Saturday, January 14, 2012

5 Things the New Consoles Need

Since everyone is adding their two sense to what should be included with the new systems, I thought it was time to include what I would like to see. Here are the top 5 innovations that should be included with the new console generation.

5. Holographic Skype support. According to Star Wars, holographs have been supported for decades. So why not allow my Skype conversation to be in fully-rendered, monochromatic holographic wonder? Speaking to someone isn't sufficient anymore. Nor is just a from-the-neck-and-up video chat. I expect both of these systems to be invasive enough to force people to wear pants while playing video games.

4.Augmented Reality. I can't wait to be able to put on some glasses that allow me to play Angry Birds with my eyes, while I'm supposed to be listening to my boss during a staff meeting. Since i wear glasses anyway, my boss would never know! The glasses would have to have eyes painted on the front just to sell the illusion, though.

3.Molecular Re-organizer. Since I spend more time with my consoles, than I do with my girlfriend (sorry, baby!), it's only fair that my consoles learns to cook for me. It can take some random matter, say the dust that amasses on my TV stand, and transform it into my favorite food, say Beef Wellington. Hell, I'll settle for a ham sandwich.

2.Flux Capacitor. At the very least, can I get a hoverboard?!

1.Support for my Japanese sex doll. My girlfriend left me since she read number 3. Luckily, I had my sex doll, Aoki, in the closet hidden behind all my exercise equipment. I minored in Japanese in college, but I still don't understand what the hell she's saying to me. I just want her to make me a ham sandwich! Any console worth it's salt will have some sort of translation. Or maybe just a Fleshlight built right into the console....

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